This is the final chapter from Thomas Wilcox's Three Heavenly Discourses...
Jesus: Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest (Matt. 11:28).
Christian: O Lord, I am a poor, heavy laden sinner that would come unto thee, but cannot come.
Jesus: It is true, O soul, no man can come unto me, except the Father which hath sent me draw him (Jn. 6:44).
Christian: How then shall I come unto thee?
Jesus: I and my Father are one (Jn. 10:30), and we give power to the faint, and to them that have no might, we add strength (Is. 40:29).
Christian: Lord, I am altogether without strength; therefore, draw me unto thee, and I will come.
Jesus: I will draw thee unto me with the cords of a man, with bands of love (Hos. 11:4), and with lovingkindness (Jer. 31:3; Jn. 12:31).
Christian: But, Lord, now I look upon myself; I feel I am unworthy to come unto thee; yea, unworthy of the least of thy mercies.
Jesus: So said my servant John the Baptist (Matt. 3:14), and Jacob (Gen. 32:10), and others (Matt. 8:8; Lk. 7:7), yet do not judge thyself (as the Jews did) unworthy of eternal life (Acts 13:46).
Christian: If such men as John the Baptist and Jacob did judge themselves unworthy; how many thousand times more unworthy am I, a wretched and wicked sinner?
Jesus: It is true neither they nor thou could be worthy of yourselves, but yet I am willing to account you worthy (Lk. 20:35; 21:36; Rev. 3:4).
Christian: But, Lord, if there were anything that were good in me, it might a little encourage me to come unto thee, but I find nothing but evil in me.
Jesus: Dost thou know that without me thou canst do nothing (Jn. 15:5), and that a man can receive nothing except it be given him from heaven (Jn. 3:27)? Why then dost thou stay away from me who must work all thy works in thee (Is. 26:12)? And because thou seest nothing but evil in thee, thou shouldst the rather come unto me, who am the fountain wherein thy unclean soul must be washed (Zech 13:1). Unless I wash thee, thou canst not be clean, nor have any part in me (Ezek. 36:25; Jn. 13:8).
Christian: True, Lord, thou art the fountain and well spring of life, and it is thy blood (and nothing else) that can wash away my sins; but how can I come near to thee, who am so wicked, that for ought I know, have counted thy blood an unholy thing (Heb. 10:29).
Jesus: Thou poor, dear and doubting soul, what if thou hadst had a hand in crucifying me (as the Jews had), yet cannot I forgive thee, as I did many of them (Acts 2:36,41)? But thou hast not counted my blood an unholy thing, for thou desirest to have thy sins washed away by it.
Christian: What the Jews did they did ignorantly; but I have sinned against knowledge, which makes my sins worse than theirs.
Jesus: If thou hast sinned against knowledge, yet thou hast not sinned so, but that thou mayest be forgiven; for my dear disciple Peter sinned against knowledge, when he denied with an oath that he knew me not (Matt. 26:72).
Christian: O, but yet my sins are worse than his, for his sin was but one sin, and that a sudden and short sin; but I have sinned many sins and continued long in them.
Jesus: So did my beloved servant David (who was a man according to my own heart) commit several sins together, as murder, whoredom, etc., and continued a while too in his sins.
Christian: O, but Lord, those servants of thine, though they sinned against thee, yet they expressed a great deal of sense of their sins, and sorrow for them; but I can neither be sensible of, nor sorrowful for, mine.
Jesus: O sweet soul, thou mistakest and forgettest thyself, for thou dost often confess thy sins before me with sense, shame, and sorrow. And I hear thee daily bemoaning and complaining and saying, “I have sinned against the Lord. Woe is me for I am undone” (Job 7:20; Ps. 51:4; Lam. 5:16).
Christian: O good Lord, it is not without a cause that I cry, “woe is me I am undone,” for I think there is no soul in such a dangerous and desperate condition as mine is in.
Jesus: Why dost thou think and say so?
Christian: Because I have sinned that unpardonable sin against thy Spirit.
Jesus: O, thou poor and precious soul, thou dost but think so; but tell me how canst thou sin that sin against my Spirit, and yet pray for more of my Spirit, and so much prize my Spirit as thou dost?
Christian: O Lord, I have often grieved and quenched thy Spirit, and is not this to commit the unpardonable sin?
Jesus: My own dear and loving children may and do sometimes grieve my Spirit by sinning, and quench the gracious motions of it, and yet do not sin that unpardonable sin (Eph. 4:30; 1 Thess. 5:19).
Christian: O, but I can think no less but that I have committed that sin, for I have had hard, cruel, and desperate thoughts in my heart against the Holy Spirit.
Jesus: Though, my child, thou hast had such thoughts in thy heart, yet thou hast not spoken evil of my Spirit (as the Jews did) which is the sin of blasphemy, and that unpardonable sin (Matt. 12:24-31; Mk. 3:22-30).
Christian: Lord, I am not sure but that I have spoken evil words of thy Spirit, for I know I have many times uttered vile, bitter, and cursed words.
Jesus: Notwithstanding, thou didst through the violence of thy temptations, and in the bitterness of thy soul, speak such words, as my servants Job (Job 3:10; 10:18; 23:15-16), David (Ps. 31:22; 116:11), Jeremiah (Jer. 20:14), Jonah (Jon. 4:3,9), and Peter (Matt. 26:27,74) did, yet thou hast not done despitefully (nor sinned maliciously and willfully) against my Spirit of grace as reprobates do (Heb. 10:29).
Christian: O, I have been and still am very willful, and have often sinned willfully, and thou sayest in thy word that if any sin willfully after they receive the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins (Heb. 10:26).
Jesus: Thou dear soul, have not I heard thee often in prayer complaining of, and
bewailing, thy sins, and begging earnestly for power against them? Therefore, it is rather against thy will, than willfully, that thou dost sin.
Christian: O, but I find sin in power in my soul, which if I were a saint, it would not be so.
Jesus: My servant Paul found sin so strong in him that he confessed he was carnal, and sold under sin, and that he found a law in his members, warring against the law of his mind, and bringing him into captivity to the law of sin (Rom. 7:23).
Christian: O, but neither Paul, nor any other saint, hath sinned presumptuously as I have done.
Jesus: My servant David prayed that he might be kept from presumptuous sins, for he was subject thereunto, and so are the best of my saints.
Christian: But, Lord, I have rebelled against thee.
Jesus: So did my servants of old (Is. 1:2), but I have received gifts for the rebellious (Ps. 68:18), and to me belong mercies and forgiveness, though thou hast rebelled against me (Dan. 9:9).
Christian: O, but my rebellion is the worst rebellion of all, for I have rebelled against the light; I have professed thee, and yet I have belied thee, and made a hypocritical profession; I seemed like Judas, to be thy friend, while in my heart I did not love thee.
Jesus: The house of Israel and the house of Judah dealt treacherously against me (Jer. 5:11,12,18), the Lord, and belied me, and Ephraim, my dear son, compassed me about with lies (Hos. 11:12), yet was I gracious to them (Jer. 23:6; 31:20).
Christian: But, Lord, Ephraim was never so wicked as I am, and guilty of such lukewarmness, hypocrisy, and backsliding, as I am guilty of.
Jesus: Yea, Ephraim was a cake not turned. And Ephraim fed upon wind and provoked
me to anger most bitterly, yet my bowels still worked toward Ephraim, that I could not destroy him (Hos. 8:8; 11:8; 12:1,14).
Christian: But I increased in sin, and the more mercies received, the more my heart was exalted.
Jesus: Even so did Ephraim sin more and more, according as he was filled, so his heart was exalted (Hos. 13:2,6).
Christian: But, Lord, what didst thou do to Ephraim?
Jesus: I drew them with the cords of a man, and with bonds of love, and I was as the dew unto them (Hos. 11:4; 14:5).
Christian: O, but I have forsaken the Lord, and back-slided from thee.
Jesus: So did Israel and Judah (Jer. 2:13; 3:6; 4:16).
Christian: But, Lord, I find that my heart is bent to continual back-sliding, yea, my back-slidings are increased.
Jesus: So were they (Jer. 5:6; Hos 11:7), yet I healed their back-slidings; so will I heal thine also (Jer. 3:14,22; Hos. 14:4).
Christian: But I have fallen into gross sins that have dishonored thee, and caused thine enemies to blaspheme.
Jesus: So did my servant David (2 Sam. 12:14) and others of my saints.
Christian: But then he did mourn and repent greatly for his sins, but I cannot do so, for I find my heart hard as an adamant.
Jesus: So my people Israel’s hearts formerly were as hard as a rock, adamant and flint (Jer. 5:3; Ezek. 3:9).
Christian: O, but I have been long (yea ever) troubled with this hardness of heart.
Jesus: What tho’, yet I am exalted to give repentance unto you (Acts 5:31).
Christian: O, but I do not find I am sensible enough of my sin, for if I were, I should mourn and be ashamed for all the wickedness, which I have committed against thee.
Jesus: When thou dost see me, whom thou hast pierced (Rev. 1:7), and when thou seest that I am pacified toward thee, then thou shalt mourn, loathe thyself and be ashamed, for all thy sins and abominations, which thou hast committed against me (Ezek. 6:9; 16:63).
Christian: But, Lord, I am a very great sinner, and I would fain see the nature and number of my sins, that I might truly repent me of them, and be humbled for them.
Jesus: If thou seest all thy sins, with their nature, number and aggravation, thou canst never look upon them but with despair as Cain (Gen. 4:13) and Judas (Matt. 27:3-5). And it is not so much the sight of sin, as the sight of my love, grace, goodness, and glory, that will lead thee to repentance, and humble thee for thy sins (Zech. 12:10; Lk. 7:42,47; Rom. 2:4).
Christian: O Lord, I know I am as wicked a sinner, and as ungodly a wretch, as ever lived; but though I know this, yet methinks I am not broken with the sense thereof, I cannot weep nor shed tears for my sins. O no! I go many times to prayer, and to hear sermons, and there is no more working nor relenting upon my soul than if I were a dead stock or stone.
Jesus: O, my dear soul, do not thou belie thyself, for I have heard many a sorrowful sigh coming from thy heart, and I have seen many a tear drop from thine eyes (Ps. 34:17; Ezek. 9:4); and I will yet pour out more of the Spirit of mourning upon thee (Zech. 12:10-12). But what if thou didst not find these things in thyself, yet I have offered up strong cries and tears unto my Father for thee (Heb. 5:7).
Christian: O Lord, that I had but faith to believe that for myself.
Jesus: Have faith in me, and be not faithless but believing (Jn. 20:27).
Christian: Lord, I find so much atheism and unbelief in my heart that I have oftentimes questionings in myself concerning God and concerning the Scriptures and [the] word of God.
Jesus: These are the temptations and suggestions of Satan, and my own disciples were and are troubled with them (Lk. 24:25).
Christian: O Lord, I am troubled with a thousand temptations.
Jesus: Yet fear not, my loving and dear child, though thou hast divers temptations (Jas. 1:2), for it is that which my best saints have had, and I will not suffer thee to be tempted above what thou art able (1 Cor. 10:13), but I will succor thee in thy temptations (Heb. 2:18), and I will make a way that thou wilt escape and be delivered out of temptations (2 Pet. 2:9).
Christian: But I think no saint hath such temptations as mine, for sometimes I am tempted to kill myself, and sometimes to kill others, insomuch that I cannot look upon any weapon, waters, or the like, but I am ready to make myself away therewith.
Jesus: Satan tempted me to cast myself off the pinnacle of the temple (Matt. 4:5), and he also tempted many of my dear children to destroy themselves; but do not thou hearken to the accuser, for he doth accuse thee to me and me to thee (Rev. 12:10), but rather say unto him, “Satan it is written [that] my Lord Jesus hath overcome thee, and I hope through his blood, and through his might and spirit to overcome thee likewise.” Say also, “My God hath commanded me not to kill another (Ex. 20:13), nor to do hurt or violence to myself (Acts 16:28); therefore, get thee behind me, thou liar, murderer, and enemy, for I will put my trust in Christ, though he kill me (Job 13:15), and I will endeavor to live to serve him, though he should afterwards damn me.”
Christian: O, but this doth much trouble me, that I do not find any love in my heart to thee.
Jesus: What though thou dost not, yet I will circumcise thy heart and thou shalt love me; and when thou apprehendest my love to thee, thou wilt love me again (Deut. 30:6; 1 Jn. 4:19).
Christian: I have sinned, Lord, against thy mercies, and abused thy love, yea loved my
sins more than thee; therefore, I cannot think that ever thou wilt look upon me with any love or delight.
Jesus: So did my servant David (2 Sam. 12:8-9) and my people Israel (Hos. 2:5), yet as I loved them, so will I love thee freely, and betroth thee to me in lovingkindness and mercy (Hos. 14:4).
Christian: But, Lord, I have not only sinned against thy mercies, but against thy corrections and chastisements also.
Jesus: So did my people Israel formerly, for when I smote them, they went on forwardly in the way of their evil hearts, but I led them, and restored comforts to them (Is. 57:17-18).
Christian: Aye, but my condition is worse than all that, for I have been long under the means of grace, and yet I am altogether fruitless, and like the barren fig-tree.
Jesus: Thou troubled soul, in me is thy fruit found, and I will purge thee, and thou wilt bring forth fruit abundantly (Jn. 15:4), for they that are planted in my house shall flourish and be fat, and [be] like a green olive tree (Ps. 92:12-14).
Christian: Aye, Lord, it is true if I were a branch in thee, and a true member of thy house, then I could believe these promises of thine; alas I am neither of both, but separated from thee and thy people.
Jesus: Do not say that thou art none of mine, for I have bought thee with my blood, and do not speak that thou art separated from my people, for I will give thee in my house, and within my walls, a place and a name of sons and daughters (Is. 56:3,5).
Christian: Surely, if I were not an outcast and a reprobate, I should not be thus, as I am, in a wilderness condition.
Jesus: Israel was counted as an outcast, and she cried out, yet I was then a God to her, and she a people to me (Jer. 30:16,17,22).
Christian: O, if I were but one of thine, I should then count myself the happiest in all the world.
Jesus: Fear not my spouse, for I am thy husband and thy father.
Christian: If I were one of thy children, thou wouldst not hide thyself from me as thou dost.
Jesus: I have hid myself and my face from some of my prophets and people of old, and yet it was in love to them, and so it is to thee (Ps. 88:14; Is. 8:17; 94:7).
Christian: But thou hast hid thyself from me, and thou seemest also to be angry with me (Is. 54:7).
Jesus: Fury is not with me (towards thee) and, though I be angry, yet my anger is but for a moment (Is. 27:4; 54:8).
Christian: Yet, Lord, thou hast been angry with me a long time, for thou hast forgotten me.
Jesus: Zion did say so, “the Lord hath forsaken me, and my Lord hath forgotten me” (Jer. 51:5); yet I had not forgot her; for she was graven upon the balms of my hands (Is. 49:15-16).
Christian: But, Lord, if thou hast not forgotten me, thou wouldst never have left me in such a wilderness and barren condition as I am in.
Jesus: I have allured thee into the wilderness, that I might speak comfortably unto thee (Hos. 2:14).
Christian: I have been many years in trouble and terrors, and wanting peace in my soul, which could not possibly have been, if I had truly believed in thee.
Jesus: But now I will speak peace unto thee, and I will guide thee into the way of peace (Ps. 85:8; Lk. 1:79).
Christian: Lord, wilt thou speak peace unto me, and guide me in the way of peace?
Jesus: I will create the fruit of thy lips, “peace, peace,” and my Spirit shall be in thee, and his fruit shall be peace unto thy soul (Is. 55:12).
Christian: But, Lord, thy word [says] there is no peace to the wicked.
Jesus: No, not to a man that will persist in his wicked way, and doth not, nor will not believe in me; but thou art one of those that I bore chastisement of thy peace, and one of the children of peace (Is. 53:5; 54:13).
Christian: But, Lord, how can I have peace, seeing a man cannot have peace before (and without) he doth believe?
Jesus: Thou shalt have faith and peace, and I will give peace through believing (2 Thess. 3:16).
Christian: But, Lord, then I must know that I am one of thine.
Jesus: Thou shalt know that I am the Lord, thy God, and that thou art one of my people (Ezek. 34:30).
Christian: O, how shall I know that?
Jesus: My Spirit shall bear witness with thy spirit that thou art my child (Rom. 8:16).
Christian: But how shall I know that it is thy Spirit that beareth this witness, and that it is not the spirit of delusion?
Jesus: Thou mayest know by its power in working in thy heart, which no other Spirit can work alike; as also by the earnest and fruits thereof (2 Cor. 5:5; Gal. 5:22-23).
Christian: Lord, what else shall I believe, besides being one of thine?
Jesus: Dost thou believe that?
Christian: Yes, Lord, I do believe that thou art Jesus, the Son of God, and the Savior of the world (Jn. 6:69; 11:27; Acts 8:37).
Jesus: But dost thou believe that I am thy Savior?
Christian: Lord, I do believe that there is no other way to be saved but only by thee (Acts 4:12).
Jesus: But dost thou believe that thou shalt be saved by me?
Christian: Lord, I do believe; help my unbelief (Mk. 9:24).
Jesus: To thee it is given to believe (Phil. 1:29).
Christian: Now, Lord, I do believe.
Jesus: What dost thou now believe?
Christian: I believe that thou lovest me, and didst give thyself for me (Gal. 2:20), and that thou art my Lord and my God (Jn. 20:28), and that I am justified and shall be saved by grace (Acts 15:11).
Jesus: How camest thou to believe this?
Christian: Lord, it is by thy gift and work that I do believe it (Eph. 2:8; Heb. 12:2).
Jesus: Well now [that] thou dost believe, what wilt thou do?
Christian: Lord, what wilt thou have me to do (Acts 9:6)?
Jesus: If thou lovest me, keep my words (Jn. 14:23).
Christian: What are those words of thine?
Jesus: Search the Scriptures, for they are able to make thee perfect and wise unto salvation, and to furnish thee for every good work (Jn. 5:39; 2 Tim. 3:16-17).
Christian: But, Lord, how shall I understand thy word?
Jesus: I will make known my word unto thee (Prov. 1:23).
Christian: But, Lord, is there no danger of my departing and falling away from thee now I do believe?
Jesus: No. The mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed, but my lovingkindness shall not depart from thee (Is. 54:10; Jer. 32:41).
Christian: Lord, I will keep thy precepts with my whole heart (Phil. 1:19,29).
Jesus: I have redeemed thee that thou shouldst serve me without fear, in holiness and righteousness, all the days of thy life (Lk. 1:6).
Christian: Come ye children and I will declare what the Lord hath done for my soul (Ps. 34:11). My soul shall make her boasts [in] the Lord; the humble shall hear this and be glad; O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt his name together (Ps. 34:2-3).
Quotable: “I am always going into the far country, and always returning home as a prodigal, always saying, Father, forgive me, and thou art always bringing forth the best robe” (Valley of Vision).